My parents moved around a lot when I was a kid, and it didn’t really bother me. I have always embraced change, so I loved being the new girl every couple of years or so. I secretly reveled in the feeling of walking into a new classroom, knowing everyone’s eyes were fixed on me. “Who’s that?” they would whisper to themselves as I walked by. “I’m the new girl,” I’d think to myself and smile. There was an excitement around being new and starting fresh. Kids would run up to me at recess, wanting to be the first to befriend me. What’s not to like about change!?
I’ve grown up thinking this whole time that I am very good at letting go and saying goodbye. I’ve been saying goodbye to school friends since I was little, I’m a goodbye pro. I even had to part ways with my dad when I was nine years old when my mom moved me and my baby sister to Victoria, while my dad stayed in Ottawa. Surely a parent is the hardest person to say goodbye too, even if it’s only temporary.
Well, it turns out that I’m only good at letting go if I have absolutely no control over the situation. If, on the other hand, I have a choice to make: hold on or let go, I have a harder time coming to a decision. “Mal, we’re moving,” my parents might have said, and I’d be totally fine with it. I can’t do anything to change the situation, might as well embrace it. Great attitude right? It is, but if I have some control, any at all, I start to get anxious. I flip flop between my choices and I tie myself up in knots. I have the cursed blessing of being able to see two sides of any coin, heck, there might even be three sides to this blasted coin.
I had a relationship that lasted five years that was wonderful in so many ways and incredibly frustrating in others. We broke up, but never stopped seeing each other, but were never officially together again. It was a annoying for friends and family who just wanted to know what our status was and who wanted to make sure I didn’t waste my time. I, on the other hand, chose to spend five years in limbo rather than finally let go of a relationship that was most certainly going to eventually run its course at some point. I just didn’t want to bare the sadness of being the one to pull the plug.
I think I enjoyed the romanticism of the uncertainty, like falling in love during a time of war when you don’t know if you’ll ever see your partner again at a certain point. But I digress, the point is, it took me five years to let go of one relationship because I had to choose to let go. Really, I’m terrible at letting go, but very good at accepting the way things are when they’re out of my control.
Now, I’m finally ready to let go of this blog of mine too – this online baby that I’ve been nurturing, albeit rather infrequently, for the past eight years. EF has been the one constant interest in my life while I’ve introduced new hobbies and dropped others. This blog has opened me up to communities of people I never would have otherwise met. I learned a lot while blogging too. When the blog was new and I had no confidence in it, when I was sure that most people would just laugh at my sad attempt to be a voice of authority on the topic of sustainable fashion, EF taught me that if you ask, most people say yes. When I wanted to start styling photo shoots to populate the blog with photos of eco-fashion, I asked around for collaborators who would share their time and talent with me for free, and they said yes. I officially re-launched the blog in 2011 here in Ottawa and was overwhelmed with the support I got. More than 100 people came to the party, most of them strangers, and Thyme & Again, a wonderful local catering company donated food for the occasion, which was hosted by Flock Boutique.
I could go on about everything I have done through the blog, but the point of this post is to let you know that I’m putting EF to rest to pursue another venture. I’ve finally accepted the fact that if I want to do anything well, I have to focus on it entirely. I can’t have this side project and that fundraiser going on and expect something else to flourish. I have this business idea that I’m about to execute, but to make it happen I can’t be distracted by writing blog posts I’m afraid. This new venture is, in many ways, an extension of the blog. It came about through my experience over the past eight years and now I’m finally ready to take a leap and let go.
I can’t thank you all enough for reading the blog over the years, for your comments and for your support. I’m keeping it up for the time being, until my new site is launched, so you can still browse the posts and leave comments. I’ll slowly begin to alert my contacts of the change, sigh, administrative tasks!
Thank you to everyone I have ever featured here and to everyone I have collaborated with. It’s been a wonderful ride but it’s time to hop onto the next train. I’m going to keep EF’s Facebook page and Twitter accounts up until I’m ready to move them over to new accounts too. They’re great ways of keeping up to date on the world of sustainable fashion and this new project of mine is still very much in line with this industry. Please keep in touch and stay tuned for more.